


Knowing

by lunick



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pokemon Ranger
Genre: F/M, Teen Pregnancy, Unrequited, underage drinking (implied), underage sex (implied)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-22
Updated: 2013-07-22
Packaged: 2017-12-21 00:05:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/893474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunick/pseuds/lunick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lunick knows their relationship isn't normal, and it just gets worse when she tells him something he finally doesn't know about her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knowing

Lunick knew their relationship wasn't normal, and he knew deep down that everything was wrong with what they were doing. They were more sex buddies than boyfriend/girlfriend, and no matter how hard he tried to shake the feeling, he knew he was in love with someone else who he could never be with in a million years for more than one reason.

"So how are you guys doing, anyway?"

Lunick shrugs his shoulders listlessly -- it's not like he can tell Spenser that their entire relationship is based off sex and that single, fleeting, absolutely cliche spark they both felt when they first met. He can't tell him that he loves Solana, but he really can't be _in_ love with her. He can't be honest about any of this, so it just boils beneath the surface, destined to only come out when they're too drunk to remember what happened the night before.

"F-fine, I guess." He crosses his arms over his chest. "S-sol has been getting s-sick a lot lately. Must be a b-bug from s-somewhere..." He presses his lips together. "She's mi-missed out on our l-last two missions."

Spenser raises his eyebrows and rubs his hand against his chin, turning his gaze to the ceiling. He knows they're having sex, and the possibility that it's not just an illness that's going around floats through his mind, but he also knows they're using protection because he buys their damn condoms for them. But he also knows Lunick, and he knows he can't even put that idea in his head or he'll harp on it for days and be paranoid for months. He straightens up and taps the palms of his hands against the edge of his desk. He claps the ranger on the back. "I'm sure it'll all work out, Lune. I gotta run, got a big leaders meeting or somethin' with the professor about that egg you guys got." He gives Lunick a two-fingered salute. "Take care of Sol, okay? Be a good boyfriend!"

The teenager smiles weakly and nods, standing up and watching him go.

What the hell is he doing?

\---

Solana is puking.

Lunick crouches on the floor next to her, his hand between her shoulder blades and his thumb rubbing along her spine. He's worried -- is she still sick, or is she just really hungover? He looks out the bathroom door and across the room, at the clock. They're supposed to report for a mission in ten minutes, but with Solana the way she is, he doesn't know if either of them can make it.

She coughs, and then spits into the toilet, rubbing a towel over her mouth and grimacing. She stands, her knees knocking together, leaving Lunick sitting there as she brushes her teeth. He was been there physically, but mentally he's checked out -- more concerned about making it to the mission on time than Solana herself.  
He had been thinking a lot about everything, lately. Just what the hell is he doing? He's with a girl that he really has no business being with, because she's totally hot and he's just a loser with a stutter, and he really has no interest in being with, because he knows from the aching in his chest and the knotting in his stomach that he's in love with someone he can never have because he's his boss, and he's a boy. That makes him gay and-- the thought really is enough to make him want to bend over the toilet and puke his guts out.

But it's not fair to anyone for him to stay in the relationship like this.

He loves Solana, he really does, but it's much more of a platonic love -- he still thinks she's great and wants the best for her and truly wants her to be happy, and not just because that's the way he is, but because he genuinely cares for her. But that's all it can be: platonic.

Can he really bring up such a thing right now? She's sick, and he needs to care for her, so maybe after this is all over he can come clean, even if coming clean means ending the relationship they've had for two years and potentially ruining their partnership forever. But he knows Sol can be professional. They can have a working relationship, and once it all blows over, they can still be friends.

Probably.

"Hey, Lune..."

Lunick looks up. Solana has her back to him and her shoulders are hunched up, and her voice is shaking.

"Y...yeah?"

"There's something I need to tell you."

Maybe now is the right time.

"M-me too, b-but um, you go f-first."

Solana turns around, but she doesn't look at him.

"I'm pregnant."

\---

"She's what?"

"Pr-pre-pregnant!"

Lunick can't stop crying.

He's always been a bit of a crybaby, but since becoming a ranger he has gotten a lot better. He's more of a hero now, and crying is definitely not a heroic or cool thing to do at all. But this news has shocked him into making all his old habits come back: the cowering, the crying, the excessive stuttering.

He can hardly breathe. It's been a few hours since she told him, and he still can't seem to catch his breath. He's only 16, he can't be a father. He can barely keep his own life in order, and he was so ready to just run away from it all. He was totally prepared to lay it all on the line, tell her everything, tell Spenser everything, and to just leave if it backfired horribly.

But he can't do that now. He can't run away when his girlfriend is pregnant and he's the only one who could've done it -- Solana may be a lot of things, but she's not a cheater, and she truly does love Lunick, which makes him just want to rip his own heart out. His breaths are stumbling out of his lungs and his hands won't stop shaking, so all he can do is sit in this chair in Spenser's office, shoulders hunched up by his ears, hands covering his face.

Spenser doesn't even want to ask how this happened (something tells him he really doesn't want to know), but he has no idea what to say. He can't even imagine being in Lunick's position. He wonders if there's some kind of ruling on this, is there some kind of clause in the rulebook about pregnant rangers and what do to with them (they couldn't possibly just fire them, right? That would just be too cruel), or if there's any kind of precedent. There have been rangers who got pregnant before, but they were in their 20s, or at least 18. Solana is just 16, and so is Lunick. They're doing well for themselves here, being rank 10 and all, but still -- there's no way either of them can be prepared for this.

"Is she keeping it?"

"I d-don't kn-know... ! Sh-sh-she doesn't even know... wh-what are we g-going t-to do, Sp-spenser?" His voice cracks on his name, and Spenser feels a shot go through his heart. How can he advise him on this subject? Is there anything to do, even? He knows about Lunick's conservative parents, and how proud they were that he became a ranger because he would be such an outstanding member of society, and how they've met Solana and while they don't agree with her rough, Summerland upbringing, they still think she's a charming girl -- there's no way he could ever tell them about this. They might kick him out, or cut him off, or worse, pull him from being a ranger all together.

Spenser knows that Lunick needs this, needs being a ranger.

"I w-was f-feeling iffy on this wh-whole relationship before this b-but I c-c-c--" He swallows and huffs out an upset breath. "I can't leave her now!" The words spill out of his mouth all at once and he tries to bring in some air to his aching lungs.

"Woah woah, Lune, what're you talking about? I thought you said everything was fine."

"I d-don't love her, Sp-spenser. I can't, I ca-can't."

His thoughts are barreling through his head too quickly now and his stuttering mouth can't keep up at all, but he can't control what comes out--

"Lune, slow down, what're you--"

"I think I'm gay."

His words are muffled, and pathetic, and his voice catches and cracks on the last word. He closes his eyes and buries his face into his hands, god, he's an idiot. He's horrible. He's no hero. He's not cool. He was never either of those things; he was just a stupid boy leading on an innocent girl. That's it.

Spenser's chair creaks as he leans back.

"Then you have to tell her."

"B-but... she h-has a... a f-fetus in her! And it'll j-just... hurt her!"

The ranger leader stands, slamming his palms against his desk, making Lunick jump.

"You're hurting her more now by doing this to her!"

The teenager looks away. He knows he's doing that, he knows he's just hurting her now and it'll be so much worse in the long run. But why does he have to do this now?  
He sits back in the seat.

Why is he too much of a coward to make himself to it now?

\---

"Ready to go?"

"Wh-what's the point? You c-can't drink anyway..."

Lunick sits on the bottom bunk of their bed, fingers curled tight around the edge of his mattress. She doesn't know why he would be even remotely ready to go yet; he's still in his uniform undershirt and shorts -- he hasn't even taken off his gloves yet.

"God, are you okay? You've been acting weird ever since..."

"How am I s-supposed to act!"

"Calm down, Lune."

"I can't!" He can't. He can't calm down, and he can't do this -- Spenser's words cycle through his mind. Just tell her the truth. "I n-need... I n-need to talk to you about s-something..."

She raises her eyebrows and leans a bit against the doorframe, gesturing for him to go on.

"S-sol... I would... I w-would d-d--" His words catch in his throat, and he's so angry at his stutter -- he can't do anything without it getting in the way. Even when he needs to talk about something important. He swallows and stares hard at the ground for a moment, his brows creasing together. By the time he looks back up, his eyes are rimmed with red. "I would do... anything f-for you. I w-would never, ever tr-try to hurt you."

Solana crosses her arms over her chest. "What're you trying to say, Lune?"

Lunick curls his hands into fists.

"I w-want to be there for you... during this. But... you h-have to know."

He pauses. He's stalling, because he doesn't want to have to say this.

"S-sol, I love you, but... I'm n-not... in love with you."

A quiet falls over the two of them. Lunick wrings his hands together before curling them into fists and shoving them into his pockets. He can hear a few rangers walking outside, laughing -- probably on their way to the party, and he can hear Solana unfolding her arms, and he knows she's walking over.

She grabs him by the shirt.

"What the hell's that supposed to mean, Lunick?"

He can't hide it anymore. He's forced to look at her, and she looks angry and hurt and she has every right to be those things. He holds up his hands in what is supposed to be a surrendering motion, and then he turns his head to the side.

He can't look at her like that, and he can't even look at her when he tells her the truth.

He's pathetic.

"I... S-sol, I, um."

"Spit it out, you dick!"

"I think I'm g-gay."

Solana's eyebrows twitch upwards and her mouth parts, just a bit, in shock. She uncurls her hand, letting the fabric fall from her hand, and she takes a step back, putting one hand over her stomach.

"Wh... what am I supposed't say to that..."

"I'm... I'm s-so sorry, S-sol..."

He stands and takes a step towards her, holding out his hand.

She moves away, towards the door, shaking her head.

"Am I supposed to just go along with this, now? Am I just supposed to go at this alone?"

"N-no! I'm st-still... I'm still here f-for you!"

He grabs her wrist.

"D-don't leave."

"I wasn't--"

"Y-you were going t-to try."

He knows her, he knows her too well, and he knew she was going to try and run as soon as she got the chance -- he'd have to hunt her down in the forest, where she's be up in some tree somewhere.

She stops resisting against his grasp, and she looks to the floor, biting her bottom lip. Willing herself not the cry. She can't, not in front of him, not after what he's done, god, she really needs a drink. That would stop this whole mess, but that's probably how they got into it in the first place. They must've done something when they were too drunk to realize what the hell was going on, and something must've happened that way.

She can't tell if she feels sick from being pregnant or the horrific reality of the situation, and her eyes start to well up with tears. They were so stupid, they were so damn stupid. She brings up a hand to rub at her eyes, but Lunick pulls her towards him before she gets the chance. He looks at her and puts his hands on the sides of her face, rubbing his thumbs gently under her eyes to catch the tears.

"S-solana... it's all... it's all going to b-be okay."

"How can you be so sure?"

He gives her a bit of a shy, lopsided smile, and she hates herself for thinking he looks cute, because you really shouldn't think the person who broke your heart is cute, but she can't help herself.

"B-because I know you. And I kn-know us... and I know w-we work gr-great as a team. And you're... th-the toughest g-girl I know. If anyone c-can get through this, it's you."

Solana squeezes her eyes shut. She can't let the tears sneak out because of Lunick's words. She presses her lips together and lets out a kind of breathy laugh.

"You think I'm tough, huh?"

"I know it. Be-because you're from S-summerland."

She nods, pulling her face away from his hands and rubbing at her eyes with the back of her wrist.

"Exactly."


End file.
